The Pros and Cons

I'm feeling frustrated today. Residency is taking it's toll. I don't know if it's because I'm pregnant, or if it's just the normal grind.
For 3 months at a time, I deal.
Aaron works at two different hospitals. They each have their pros and cons. I always think of the pros of moving to the next one - forgetting that the first 3 weeks at a new hospital is an adjustment. Here's the details. Mostly for my benefits.
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Hospital 1
Pros: Seeing fewer patients in a day
In general, he's home for dinner.
We can usually get things done, even during the week.
On call nights, he can come home and often deal with business from his computer at home.

Cons: Fewer patients means less surgeries. Less surgeries means less happy husband.
The general incompetence of "lesser trained" support staff.
On call nights, I have no idea when or if he is coming home. I can't get a babysitter if I need to do something - he might come home.
He might have to get up in the middle of the night and answer that stupid pager for the 18th time. (general incompetence)

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Hospital 2
Pros: He gets to see some really cool stuff.
He's happy because he gets to operate a bunch.
He sometimes knows what is going to be on the late night news, before it's on.
When he's on call, I just know he's not coming home and I can prepare myself and the kids. If I have something to do, I can get a sitter.
When he is post call, he gets to come home early. He's supposed to be out at noon, but it's usually more like 2:30. Still early.
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Cons: The place takes over. Rarely is he home for dinner. If there's something going on, it takes precedence - even when he said that he could come home.
On call nights, he doesn't come home. I don't sleep well when he's not in the house. Every little noise freaks me out. I'm getting better - but it's not good yet.
When he comes home early on post call days, often he's so exhausted that he can barely stand up. Then, he'll take a nap for an hour or so. He's still a zombie, with a low tolerance for anything.
He barely has time to send me a text message letting me know he's alive.
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Now I don't need the comments about how much money we'll make eventually, and how it will all be worth it in the end. I know all that.

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I'm just saying that right now is difficult. I'm adjusting, but some nights are more difficult than others.

Personal Responsibility

*This is directed at no one person in particular*
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I've noticed that so many of my posts lately have been about what we're doing, and not about what I'm thinking.
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I want you to know that I AM still thinking. :)
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Recently, I have been thinking a lot about personal responsibility. Aaron's parents were here last week. His mom and I were talking about my brilliant children, and she said something to the effect of, "Mothers want to take care of their children and make sure that they have everything that they (the moms) never had." (I hope that was close enough mom...)
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I thought about my kiddos and the things they have. Seriously, my kids are happily spoiled by grandmas and grandpas and aunties and uncles that adore them. They have nice clothes for play, school, and church. They have more toys than they know what to do with. They have cable TV, a Wii, and delicious food to eat regularly. They get to go out and do things - like go to the movies.
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Neither Aaron nor I grew up with a lot. (We regularly joke about who was poorer as a kid.) But we never lacked for love, attention, food, or clothing. While we may not have had the best clothes, or the latest toys, we were dressed in clean clothes and always found ways to have a good time. And we were never hungry.
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Then, I thought about when it was time for me to go to college. I am the oldest of 6 kids - and with 5 kids still at home, my parents didn't have money to pay for me to go to school. They helped me fill out the forms for financial aid, and helped me to take out loans.
But I didn't get it.
I finished my first semester with 3 D's, 1 B, and 1 C. Not pretty. And I went on academic probation. Even less pretty. What can I say? I was 18, just out of the house, and I had a lot of fun.
I digress.
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When Aaron and I got married, he had only been home from his mission for 6 months, and was getting ready to go back to school. In the retrospective wisdom of a newly-graduated, under-paid teacher who had just gotten the coupon book to start paying off those loans, we signed him up for classes at a community college. Primarily because it was close, but the cost was a big factor.
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The point is:
Too often, I see a lack of personal responsibility in this world. Everyone is trying to get out of their problems by blaming it on other people. It's not my parents' fault that I have a mountain of student loans. I was the one who decided to go to a university, and not community college. I was also the one who didn't work as hard as I should have on my classes.
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As a mom, I don't just want to give my children everything. I want to teach them that hard work and perserverance will bring them success. I want them to realize that things have a price. I want them to realize the effects of their choices. I don't want them to grow up expecting me to take care of their every problem.
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For example, when I was like, 10ish, I remember my mom wanting me to finish my dinner - specifically my lima beans. I don't like lima beans. I remember having to sit at the table until it was well past dinner time to finish my lima beans. (I am not faulting you about this mom.)
When my kids don't want to eat something on their plate, I remind them of our family rule that we don't get seconds until your plate is clean. Also, I remind them that it is their choice about when they are done with dinner, but that there is no more food until the next mealtime. And I stick to it. I'm so mean.
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Ben has been asking to go see "The Last Airbender" at the movies for like 2 weeks. Aaron and I decided that he could clean and vacuum out my van to earn the trip. So today, he and I camped out in the garage - and he worked. And he whined about the fact that it was hot. And he had to go inside to get a drink 4 times. And he had to redo the seats because there were still crumbs. But with a little yelling and redirection and prodding and reminding, the job was done. Ben earned his movie.
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I know that everyone has circumstances. There are some things that that we can't change. But we deal with it by working hard and making the best of things - not by blaming others.
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And down I come from the soapbox.