I am a teacher.
I have known that I was a teacher for my entire life.
I have dealt with wonderful, amazing students. I have had those students that were barely a blip on the radar. I have had students with illnesses, disabilities, and twisted conflicted lives. I have had students that were awful - truly horrible.
I have worked with all of them. Admittedly, there were some that I got through to, and others that it was an ongoing struggle.
I haven't given up on any of them.
.
I have been teaching this recently 4 yr old girl for 4 months in preschool. I see her 4 hours a week. Dad is deployed - for a long time. Mom is doing the best she can with her and her little sister.
But she is naughty.
And I mean kicking, spitting, hitting, pushing, shoving, disobedient, disrespectful naughty.
.
I have loved her. I have talked with her. I have reasoned with her. I have given her rules and limits. I have taught her about emotions and proper ways to deal with them. I have reinforced good behaviors. I have overlooked minor infractions as not to make her feel attacked. I have offered responsibilities, rewards, and lavish praise.
.
Today, I said that enough was enough. Today, I told mom not to bring her back tomorrow. I let her know that I have made a valiant effort, but there are 5 other kids in the class - and with only 4 hours a week - I don't have enough time to make a difference. The behaviors of August haven't changed at all.
I gave up.
.
It's making me a little crazy, and I'm beating myself up for it.
On one hand, I feel like a pathetic excuse for a teacher.
On the other, I feel like this is the benefit of owning your own business, and NOT teaching in the public school system.
.
It's been a rough day. I need some chocolate.
3 comments:
Yes, it is a great benefit of owning your own business. As a 1st grade teacher {yes, i only did it for 1 year, but it still counts}, I came across a few kids that needed that extra help. These were the kids that I stayed up late thinking about, the kids I counseled with more experienced teachers about, kids I spent extra hours sitting next too.... I did my best. As long as you know you tried, you cannot feel guilty. I have checked back on a few of these kids in the years since I have not been their teacher- and you know what? Most of them are *okay*. You cannot be responsible for everyone. Just know that you tried and made the best decision for the other kids in the class. And think of how much fun you can have with the others now that the naughtiness has been removed! Love ya!
Everyone has a breaking point. You have more patience than anyone else I know. You are brave for willing to teach any kids let alone 4 year olds.
*chocolate* this is me sending you some! I think you did the right thing. You got through to Elizabeth:) and remember Wyatt? What a pill!! Maybe she can try again next year or heaven help her kindergarten teacher! She may just not be ready for it with everything going on.
I have one of our neighborhood kids coming to me after school now because he got kicked out of the other day care so yes, the benefits of having your own rules and own business is a huge plus!
You are an effective teacher and you have major skills and if that little one didn't respond then maybe there is something more she needs. You know you've tried and I'm sure you gave her a million chances and talked with her mom and million times so I'm sure it wasn't a shock to them that you were DONE. You can now relax and enjoy the Joy of Christmas and your own child(ren). Good luck!
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